7 Misconceptions About Psychotherapy
1. Therapy is one size fits all
Therapy should be different for everyone. Therapists at Ember Embodied Wellness love working with our clients’ individuality, highlighting and celebrating differences that make our clients unique. All of our clinicians hold training in a variety of evidence-backed therapeutic techniques, creating an opportunity for individualized care. Our clinicians know what works for one client may not work for another, and we hold emphasis on seeing our clients as experts in their own lives. Ember clinicians lean into attunement around client needs, adjusting therapeutic style to allow our clients space for personalized healing as well as space for deep vulnerability in a space of unconditional acceptance. We also want to create an environment where feedback is both welcome and taken with care. If there is ever a direction therapy is going that you may feel isn’t the best fit, please share that with your clinician. We want to make sure that you are prioritized and seen.
2. It’s the same to just talk to friends and family
Don’t get me wrong, friends and family can be a huge support when it comes to our mental health. But there is something inherently different about going to therapy. Our therapists hold a truly unbiased, judgement-free stance, which helps clients see things from a perspective they may not have had access to previously. You may want to explore elements of childhood and how they influence you today, or maybe even some of the relationship dynamics you have with your friends and family. Therapists are also constantly leaning into active listening, working to connect elements of your life and story in a manner that fosters increased personal insights and self-understanding. When we hold a deeper understanding of ourselves, our self-judgement tends to decrease. You may also seek out more specialized forms of therapy that go beyond talk therapy, such as EMDR, Brainspotting, and Lifespan Integration, many of which our clinicians hold training in.
3. My therapist can’t help me if they can’t relate
Sometimes, it is really important to have a therapist that “gets you.” Maybe you want to work on struggles that you have experienced as a queer or trans person, and you would feel best working with a queer or trans clinician. Or you want to process the experience of being a person of color living in today’s political climate, and you would prefer to work with a BIPOC therapist. With specific topics like this, relatability can be key. In regards to other topics, such as trauma, substance use, eating disorders, or OCD, it is important for your therapist to hold training and understanding around these topics, but they may not be able to relate 100% of the time. When sharing vulnerable elements of life with others, the other person may not relate perfectly, but they do relate to loss, grief, fear, anxiety, low self-worth, and more. Your therapist will push to understand your lived experience to the best of their ability. I try to remind some of my own clients that even if we share the same trauma, I will never fully understand their experience since I have not lived their life. Even with this, I will try to understand to the best of my ability, holding space for their experiences without judgement, question, or assumption.
4. Trauma work is for people who have it “worse” than I do
Everyone has trauma. Something I tell my clients is, “No one gets through life unscathed.” When it comes to trauma, I think many of us have similar misconceptions. If I didn’t experience a singular, big traumatic event, then I must be fine. We think of things like war, assault, car accidents. But in reality, trauma can be broken down into two categories. “Big T” and “little t” trauma. Big T trauma can fall into those categories of assault, abuse, serious accidents, or natural disasters. Little t trauma can include things like bullying, loss of a pet, emotional neglect, moving, chronic stress, and more. And before you think, “But one is clearly worse than the other,” let me tell you that that is not true. Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychologist said it best, “To draw an analogy: a man's suffering is similar to the behavior of a gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber. Thus, suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore the "size" of human suffering is absolutely relative.”
5. My therapist will just tell me what to do
You know how I mentioned that therapists see you as the expert in your own life? I really did mean that. It’s a big myth that therapy is just “giving people advice.” In graduate school, we are actually taught to never give our clients advice. Therapists will help provide education around topics like healthy boundaries and communication, adaptive coping skills, balanced relationships with food and body, and so much more. They will walk down potential decision-based paths with you, but at the end of the day, they will encourage you to make choices that feel like they are in your best interest. Therapists may use things such as exploring your core values when it comes to paths you choose to walk down, but they ultimately encourage clients to come to their own conclusions. I always remind my clients that no choice is the last choice you will ever make. You are welcome to change your mind or walk away from something that isn’t serving you anymore at any moment.
6. Therapy will make me feel better immediately
In all honestly, there are some therapy sessions that you will feel so much better coming out of, and there are some that you will feel worse. This is such a normal experience. Therapy is hard work, and it’s tough to not only examine, but sit with experiences that we have been holding onto for a while. Ember therapists are mindful about creating space that works with their clients to process things when they are ready (or if you are like me, as ready as you’ll ever be). I see this work as being akin to an infected wound. It will hurt like hell to clean that out, and we may even be scared to start. But if we have a safe, trusted space for healing, relief will start to trickle in. If we never do that work, things will inevitably feel worse, which no one is deserving of.
7. All therapists are the same
Chances are that you may have gone to a “bad therapist” before. Or maybe you’re afraid of that happening. The truth is it can sometimes be hard to find a therapist that is a good fit. There are a lot of therapists out there, and they all hold different training, specializations, and backgrounds. When seeking out a good therapist for you, it’s important to think about the types of topics you want to work on in therapy. That could influence trainings and specialties you want your therapist to have. Do you have any preferences with how your therapist identifies in terms of gender? Maybe insurance vs private pay is something that is important to you. If you don’t know where to start, reach out to our expert admin team that specializes in pairing clients with a therapist that would be a good fit based on that client’s needs — even if it is someone outside of Ember Embodied Wellness. We hold care in your healing journey and want you to be in the best environment to thrive.
